From the Archives: Submission - Part 4: The Attitude of the Heart

In this fourth and last post on submission, we will be taking a look at what the attitude of our hearts should be when submitting. The definition ascribed to the word “submitting” by Noah Webster’s 1828 American Dictionary of the English Language gives a clear description of the heart attitude. Summarized, it states:

Submission is cheerfully yielding one’s will to the will and authority of another accompanied by humble and suppliant behavior without murmuring.

Two different aspects seem to especially stand out: one, that we are to submit cheerfully, and secondly, without murmuring . . .

Cheerfully

“In a cheerful manner; with alacrity or willingness; readily; with life, animation or good spirits.”*

How convicting this definition is! By it, we see that when we submit it is to be with joy, willingness, and in a cheerful manner (the opposite of this would be grudgingly with a negative or angry heart.) This type of true cheerfulness and joy comes from abiding in the Lord and walking in obedience to Him as Christ instructed:

“My Father is glorified by this, that you bear much fruit, and so prove to be My disciples. Just as the Father has loved Me, I have also loved you; abide in My love. If you keep My commandments, you will abide in My love; just as I have kept My Father’s commandments and abide in His love. These things I have spoken to you so that My joy may be in you, and that your joy may be made full.” (John 15:8-11)

It is not our joy, but His joy shining through us as we submit to our fathers (or husbands) in obedience to our Lord. When thinking of how this cheerfulness and joy would be expressed in our lives, what comes to mind is a smile on the face, a quickness and readiness to fulfill whatever was directed (or whatever we know that he would desire), and a willing heart that is seeking to submit and serve the one whom the Lord has placed over us.

Several verses from Proverbs came to mind while writing this that seemed to relate rather well:

“A joyful heart makes a cheerful face, but when the heart is sad, the spirit is broken.” (Proverbs 15:13).

“A wise woman builds her house, but the foolish tears it down with her own hands.” (Proverbs 14:1)

“It is better to live in a desert land than with a contentious and vexing woman.” (Proverbs 21:19)

By having a cheerful heart of submission, by not being contentious and vexing, and by building instead of tearing, our Lord will be glorified. The choice is ours to make – will we be ones who build up or tear down? Will we respond with contentiousness and vexation? Or with cheerfulness, love and joy?

Without Murmuring

Murmuring is: “uttering complaints in a low voice or sullen manner; grumbling; complaining”*

Complain is: “to utter expressions of resentment; to murmur; to find fault”*

I am sure that we all have been guilty of these two things at least at some point in our lives! Due to the sin nature of man, complaining and murmuring is a natural part of us. Paul, recognizing this, exhorted for followers of Christ to “Do all things without grumbling or disputing” (Philippians 2:14.) This is what we are to strive for . . . to do “all things” (including submitting) without grumbling or disputing.

Before we can overcome feelings such as these, though, we need to know the root cause of them. For how can we get rid of a noxious weed, without removing the root? It is the same with the negative attributes in our own lives. We need to discover the “root” of the problem so that we can work to remove it. So what is the root of a complaining and murmuring heart? It comes from selfishness, and in part, also a lack of trust in the Lord. Selfishness in that we are looking to satisfy our own wants and desires instead of following the exhortation in Philippians to “Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves;” (Philippians 2:3.) This chapter continues with the instruction to have the same attitude as did Christ who being God, humbled Himself to become a man even to the point of dying on the cross as "the propitiation for our sins; and not for ours only, but also for those of the whole world." (1 John 2:2.) For He who knew no sin was made “to be sin” (2 Corinthians 5:21) that those who believe in Him might have “life in His name” (John 20:31.)

And we are to follow His example of humility; we are to “follow in His steps” (1 Peter 2:21.) We are to submit to our fathers (or husbands) in the same way that Christ submitted to the will of the Father. Cheerfully, willingly, completely and with readiness.

Another aspect that builds the foundation of a cheerful and non-murmuring heart is a resolute trust in the Lord. In His Word, God has given many promises, one of which is that:

“. . . we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.” (Romans 8:28)

It is with promises such as this that we can have joy in our circumstances; that we can respond with cheerfulness and love when submitting to our fathers (or husbands.) For the Lord is not a God who is far off, but a God who is near and who has promised to be our help and stronghold as we place our trust in Him. May each one of us rest on His promises relying on Him to give us the strength to submit cheerfully and willingly.

So the next time our fathers (or husbands) request or express their desire for something (such as the things mentioned in Part 3), let’s put a smile on our lips, a song of joy in our hearts, quick and willing hands ready to serve and bless, and a heart ready and willing to follow. Let us, as ladies striving to be obedient to the Lord, adorn ourselves with ornaments of great price that are precious to the Lord . . . let us adorn ourselves, as did the holy women of old, with the beautiful quality of submission.

“In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior. Your adornment must not be merely external – braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God. For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands; just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear.” (1 Peter 3:1-6)

“Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything . . .” (Ephesians 5:22-24)

*All definitions taken from Noah Webster's 1828 American Dictionary of the English Language

**I would like to mention again that this series is in no way complete as there are several aspects of this area of submission that I do not yet fully understand, but I hope and pray that what was shared here was a blessing to you!


-Posted by Sarah

A Few Verses from Psalms

"Behold, the eye of the LORD is on those who fear Him, on those who hope for His lovingkindness . . . Our soul waits for the LORD; He is our help and our shield. For our heart rejoices in Him, because we trust in His holy name . . ." Psalm 33:18, 20-21

"O taste and see that the LORD is good; How blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him! . . . The LORD redeems the soul of His servants, and none of those who take refuge in Him will be condemned." Psalm 34: 8 and 22

-Posted by Sarah

From the Archives: Submission - Part 3: Practical Application

Through the past two posts in this series, we have learned that we are to be submissive to the men whom the Lord has placed in authority and headship over us (fathers if we are unmarried and husbands if we are married*), as well as what submission is:

Submission is cheerfully yielding one’s will to the will and authority of another accompanied by humble and suppliant behavior without murmuring.

Submission begins with a yielding of the will to the Lord and then to our fathers (or husbands) . . . this yielding of the will is then lived out in our lives in every day situations. So what are practical ways that we can develop this quality of submission in our own lives? In this writing, we will be looking at different ways that a submissive heart would be expressed.

Following the counsel, direction, and plans of those in authority over us

This can be a difficult area to submit in for it often includes changing our plans to fit the direction of our fathers (or husbands). But it comes back to . . . do we really have any rights? As seen in the earlier post, no, we are the Lord’s, and we surrendered our will to Him when we turned to Him, believing in His name (1 Corinthians 6:19-20).

With that in mind, and as those striving to be godly women with submissive hearts, our plans, desires, etc. need to be held with an open hand, ready to willingly change if needed to fit those of whom the Lord has placed in headship over us. (Even more so, we should be actively seeking to make the plans, desires and goals of our fathers [or husbands] our own.)

For example, let’s say:

1) You believe that the Lord is leading you to participate in such and such church function/ministry, yet your father (or husband) does not wish you to. What do you do?

2) What if you have certain desires or plans for after high school (remaining in your father’s household, attending college and/or having outside employment), yet these plans differ from your father's desires and wishes, what do you do?

3) What if you think hemlines on your skirts need to be at the ankle bone (or that is where you like them to be), yet your father (or husband) wants them at your calf. What do you do?

4) Some of your favorite music to play (movies to watch, books to read, etc.), are also ones that your father (or husband) wishes you to refrain from, what do you do?

5) Your father (or husband) wants your house arranged/cleaned in a certain way, but you like it done differently, what do you do?

In these few examples (and others similar), the Lord has an answer for each of them . . . submit. Let us look at two of these examples in a bit greater detail:

1) You believe that the Lord is leading you to participate in such and such church function/ministry, yet your father (or husband) does not wish you to. What do you do?

It is important to remember, that as the Lord has already commanded women to submit, He will not desire, lead, or command a woman to serve in a ministry or participate in some other activity while her father (or husband) is opposed to it. To do so would be to violate His very word. As God is truth (John 14:6, John 14:17) and “cannot lie” (Titus 1:2; also Hebrews 6:18), and He “does not change” (Malachi 3:6; also James 1:17), to command one thing and then to desire something different would be contrary to His very nature. So if we feel the Lord leading us to participate in some type of ministry or activity, yet our fathers (or husbands) are opposed to it, we can know for certain that the impression on our heart is not God’s will for us (at least at that time; it may be in His plan and will at a future time as He may work on our father’s/husband’s hearts.) With that knowledge, we can rest in contentment knowing that we are right where the Lord desires us to be; cheerfully living in submission to and respect of those whom He has placed in authority over us.

2) What if you have certain desires or plans for after high school (remaining in your father's household, attending college and/or having outside employment), yet these plans differ from your father's desires and wishes, what do you do?

Let's look at an example of this . . . after finishing high school, you desire to remain at home and serve your family, yet your father wants you to go to college. What should one do in this type of situation? Let us consider first: Is it best for a daughter to remain under her father’s covering until marriage? Yes. Is it better, though, than submitting to the wishes and desires of her father? When examining Scripture, specifically the passages that speak of submission, we find that no, it is not. To not submit to the authorities that the Lord has placed over us is in direct conflict to the command and instruction of God. So when finding ourselves in these types of situations, we may gently and submissively share our concerns and desires with our fathers, but then ultimately, submit willingly and cheerfully to their direction. And while to submit in areas such as this would be quite difficult and may present trials and hardships for us, the Lord will be our strength as we seek to follow and serve Him.


The other examples are fairly self-explanatory . . . in areas like these when the will, or even the desires, of our fathers (or husbands) is different than our own, we are to cheerfully submit; we are to “yield our will to the authority of another” in keeping with the command of the Lord to women.

Referring to our fathers or husbands for decisions

The definition of the word ‘submitting’ as defined by Noah Webster’s 1828 American Dictionary of the English Language brings a particular area to light . . . and that is referring to another for a decision. There are many decisions that we as daughters (or wives) are regularly faced with. Beginning when we were infants to present day, we have been trained and have learned principles that form the foundation for making the common decisions that come up on a daily basis (how/what to eat; how/when to take care of our household chores; proper conduct in manner and deportment; etc.) With the prior training and learning that we have received, these types of decisions are generally within our sphere of authority (it is important to remember, though, that if our fathers [or husbands] should wish us to do these every day things differently, we should certainly follow their direction.) Last evening as my parents and I were discussing this particular area, my Mom brought up an example which clarifies this type of decision making: through the years my sister and I have been trained to cook the meals, plan a menu and then make a grocery list . . . our parents have instilled in us the foundation to make the decisions associated with these tasks. So, when doing these things, we do not need to go to them and ask “What should we have this night, and this night and . . .”, “What ingredients should we get?”, “Which stores should we go to?” These types of questions have already been answered as we have been trained and have learned the principles to know how to respond to them.

However, decisions that are not these every-day ones need to be brought to our fathers (or husbands) with humility seeking their direction and wisdom. This should be done when faced with decisions (especially scripturally related ones) in areas such as dress, headcoverings, college, friendships, courtship, getting outside employment, activities to participate in, large purchases, inviting families over, trips, and similar things. And when asking for this counsel (or if they come to us and give it without our asking), we must make sure that our hearts are ready to cheerfully receive it and follow it.

Submission is to not only take place in the big things, but also in the little things. Day by day, moment by moment . . . we are to die to self, and love the Lord through submitting to our fathers (or husbands). And this submission is not simply an action, nor does it happen instantly, but it is a heart attitude founded upon the principles and teachings of God’s word that through practice and prayer will become a part of who we are. It is impossible in our own strength to have submissive hearts, “But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, my beloved brethren, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that your toil is not in vain in the Lord.” (1 Corinthians 15:57)

A heart of submission is one of these areas that we are to abound in . . . not just enough to get by, but it is to be a spring inside of us welling up in abundance. As daughters to our fathers (or wives to your husbands) we are called to honor them, to love them, to respect their decisions, and to humbly submit to their direction and guidance. As we follow the Lord by having a submissive, honoring and loving spirit to our fathers (or husbands), the Lord will be glorified and our hearts will be pleasing in His sight.

Coming Soon . . . Submission: Part 4 - The Attitude of the Heart

*It is important to add, however, that in some circumstances it may be to a relative, older woman, etc. as seen in the lives of Esther and Ruth

**I would also like to mention that this writing is in no way complete as there are several aspects of this area of submission that were not touched on here, and also ones that I do not yet fully understand.


-Posted by Sarah