Because of my family’s and my lifestyle, my decision to live at home with my family, and my age, several good and thoughtful questions were asked of me by a young lady (age 13) through e-mail (I do not know her personally). Two of which were “how do you go about meeting your soul mate?” and “have you ever had a date or anything like that?”. These are legitimate questions and ones that the majority of people do wonder. How does one live this lifestyle and yet find someone to marry? Many young ladies spend a great deal of their time wondering how it will occur, praying for it to happen and eagerly anticipating it. Their focus is set upon this possible future event as they wait for the ‘one’ to come into their lives. Some go out of their way attending events, college, or the like in hopes of meeting him. But is doing such pleasing to the Lord? Does it bring Him glory?
Below is my response to this young lady. This was a personal e-mail explaining why I myself have chosen the path that I am walking. It has since been edited to be general; for example: by removing the majority of the “I’s” and “my’s” and replacing with “we”/“young ladies”/“believers”, etc. and “ours”. Please remember that this is certainly not a thorough discussion regarding these topics, but is a basic response to the questions of a young lady. It is presented here simply as food for thought in hopes of provoking one to not have the focus of minds and hearts upon marriage, but instead on the Lord and on serving Him wherever He should place us in our time on this earth.
The questions that you asked are quite deep ones, and could be discussed to great lengths, but I will try to keep this brief . . .
It may be beneficial to explain firstly that as believers in Christ we should try to pattern our lives in every aspect as closely as we can after the Bible (and it will be a continual work in progress!). Because of my own family’s studies, we came to the decision for my brother, sister and I to not date, but instead to go through a ‘courtship’ if the Lord should will. The difference between courtship and dating is basically that dating is for pleasure/fun and with whomever one is attracted to at that time. Dating is often said to be the ‘trying out’ process to see if a person is a good ‘fit’. Dating leads to giving away pieces of one’s heart to each guy that she dates. Though Scripture does not say “Thou shalt do courtship and not date”, the principles are there. Courtship is with the purpose and intent to find out if the person is the one that God would have you to marry, with the end goal being marriage. (Again this is very basic, and just scratches the surface of the differences between and purposes of courtship and dating).
You asked “how do you go about meeting your soul mate?” This is a good question! And the answer is: As young ladies striving to serve our Lord, we do not have to ‘find’ a husband. We do not need to be out searching for one, but instead should be trusting the Lord that if it is His will, that He will lead us to that one in His perfect timing. As daughters, we should also be trusting our parents to have wisdom to discern if a young man would be a good husband for us. (In Scripture the fathers had a large part in the daughter’s [and son’s!] life and marriage; for example: 1 Corinthians 7:16-40; Numbers 30:3-5; Genesis 24).
Should we go to social or church functions or college to look for ‘that one’? Not for that purpose, no. To go to social events or church events specifically to find a spouse, is not trying to serve others, but is instead self-serving. The Lord calls young ladies (and all believers) to serve Him. Through service to Him we serve others. We should strive to serve the Lord wherever He leads us whether it be through our family’s ministries, encouraging others through writing, teaching, watching young children for their mothers, ministering in nursing homes, and the list goes on and on.
There is an account in Scripture that, in part, illustrates what has been shared so far. It is found in Genesis 24. Rebekah was living under her father’s roof as a part of his household, and she was serving him and her family. Little did she know as she went about her daily tasks what was about to take place. Doing her normal routine she went to the well to draw water. There, a man asked her to draw water for himself and also for all of his camels. She willingly did so. Thus she served others, expecting nothing in return. She had no ulterior motives. Meanwhile, God was working. The man that she drew water for had been sent by Abraham to find a wife for his son Isaac. Through Rebekah’s servant heart, the man knew that this was the girl that was to be the wife of Isaac. Did Rebekah seek to ‘find’ or 'meet' a husband? No. She simply went about her day to day activities serving. (Now, just because one serves, does not mean that this is what will happen! This is just an example of how the Lord worked in this particular situation).
As children of God we need to trust that the Lord is in control. We need to trust Him fully and completely with every aspect of our lives; including marriage. And we should trust that if He desires for us to marry, He will work it out in His time. If it is not His will, our heart’s response should be to delight in continuing to serve Him in any way that He should so lead us and our families . . . .
In conclusion, more important than anything else in our life on this earth, is our relationship with our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Above all things, we must desire to love the Lord “with all [our] heart, and with all [our] soul, and with all [our] mind” (Matthew 22:37). Our focus must be placed firmly and solely upon Him. “Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth.” (Colossians 3:2). And as a result of our love for Him, we will strive to serve Him and to be obedient to His word: “For this is the love of God, that we keep His commandments; and His commandments are not burdensome.” (1 John 5:3).
-Posted by Sarah
Below is my response to this young lady. This was a personal e-mail explaining why I myself have chosen the path that I am walking. It has since been edited to be general; for example: by removing the majority of the “I’s” and “my’s” and replacing with “we”/“young ladies”/“believers”, etc. and “ours”. Please remember that this is certainly not a thorough discussion regarding these topics, but is a basic response to the questions of a young lady. It is presented here simply as food for thought in hopes of provoking one to not have the focus of minds and hearts upon marriage, but instead on the Lord and on serving Him wherever He should place us in our time on this earth.
The questions that you asked are quite deep ones, and could be discussed to great lengths, but I will try to keep this brief . . .
It may be beneficial to explain firstly that as believers in Christ we should try to pattern our lives in every aspect as closely as we can after the Bible (and it will be a continual work in progress!). Because of my own family’s studies, we came to the decision for my brother, sister and I to not date, but instead to go through a ‘courtship’ if the Lord should will. The difference between courtship and dating is basically that dating is for pleasure/fun and with whomever one is attracted to at that time. Dating is often said to be the ‘trying out’ process to see if a person is a good ‘fit’. Dating leads to giving away pieces of one’s heart to each guy that she dates. Though Scripture does not say “Thou shalt do courtship and not date”, the principles are there. Courtship is with the purpose and intent to find out if the person is the one that God would have you to marry, with the end goal being marriage. (Again this is very basic, and just scratches the surface of the differences between and purposes of courtship and dating).
You asked “how do you go about meeting your soul mate?” This is a good question! And the answer is: As young ladies striving to serve our Lord, we do not have to ‘find’ a husband. We do not need to be out searching for one, but instead should be trusting the Lord that if it is His will, that He will lead us to that one in His perfect timing. As daughters, we should also be trusting our parents to have wisdom to discern if a young man would be a good husband for us. (In Scripture the fathers had a large part in the daughter’s [and son’s!] life and marriage; for example: 1 Corinthians 7:16-40; Numbers 30:3-5; Genesis 24).
Should we go to social or church functions or college to look for ‘that one’? Not for that purpose, no. To go to social events or church events specifically to find a spouse, is not trying to serve others, but is instead self-serving. The Lord calls young ladies (and all believers) to serve Him. Through service to Him we serve others. We should strive to serve the Lord wherever He leads us whether it be through our family’s ministries, encouraging others through writing, teaching, watching young children for their mothers, ministering in nursing homes, and the list goes on and on.
There is an account in Scripture that, in part, illustrates what has been shared so far. It is found in Genesis 24. Rebekah was living under her father’s roof as a part of his household, and she was serving him and her family. Little did she know as she went about her daily tasks what was about to take place. Doing her normal routine she went to the well to draw water. There, a man asked her to draw water for himself and also for all of his camels. She willingly did so. Thus she served others, expecting nothing in return. She had no ulterior motives. Meanwhile, God was working. The man that she drew water for had been sent by Abraham to find a wife for his son Isaac. Through Rebekah’s servant heart, the man knew that this was the girl that was to be the wife of Isaac. Did Rebekah seek to ‘find’ or 'meet' a husband? No. She simply went about her day to day activities serving. (Now, just because one serves, does not mean that this is what will happen! This is just an example of how the Lord worked in this particular situation).
As children of God we need to trust that the Lord is in control. We need to trust Him fully and completely with every aspect of our lives; including marriage. And we should trust that if He desires for us to marry, He will work it out in His time. If it is not His will, our heart’s response should be to delight in continuing to serve Him in any way that He should so lead us and our families . . . .
In conclusion, more important than anything else in our life on this earth, is our relationship with our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Above all things, we must desire to love the Lord “with all [our] heart, and with all [our] soul, and with all [our] mind” (Matthew 22:37). Our focus must be placed firmly and solely upon Him. “Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth.” (Colossians 3:2). And as a result of our love for Him, we will strive to serve Him and to be obedient to His word: “For this is the love of God, that we keep His commandments; and His commandments are not burdensome.” (1 John 5:3).
-Posted by Sarah
6 comments:
It is such a blessing to see other young woman walking this path. I get asked the same questions once in awhile. The Lord is faithful. I have two married sisters and they both walked this path and the Lord has blessed the with wonderful husbands.
Blessings to you as you continue to walk this path of singleness.
~Melodie~
Thank you for posting that. It was a very encouraging and helpful post. :)
Another wonderful post! I find it so encouraging to know of other young ladies who desire to follow the Scriptures in every respect instead of doing what the 'world' says is 'right'. May our first joy and satisfaction in Christ alone. He is faithful, and we need only to trust Him with ALL areas of our life! :) Thank you for sharing! :)
Thank you all so much for sharing your thoughts! It is so uplifting to hear from other young ladies who are desiring to follow the Lord in all areas of their lives.
Thank you!
Very well said! We glorify God best by serving Him. If a man someday appears at my side, at it is God's will for us to marry, then I will be glad. If I walk alone, I will be glad. :)
Thank you for sharing your heart, Maria! As we said before, it is such an encouragement to see other young ladies who are seeking to serve and be obedient to the Lord.
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